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I am certain it has happened to you that
you meet someone seemingly wonderful, just to see a completely different
side of them months or years down down the road. And then you stop and
wonder where their charm, kindness, and generosity disappear, only to
realize that all those traits came with strings attached. All of a
sudden, what looked like confidence turned into pure arrogance.
As much as we speak of how important and
impactful first impressions are, the truth is that they are more than
often just misleading. Why is that? Because people tend to put their
best foot forward when they meet someone new. For quite a long while
now, psychologists have noted how much social behavior depends upon
something known as the “persona”, which basically means the social mask
that everyone wears. According to Carl Jung, people tend to hide aspects
of themselves through these social masks.
But this does not mean that the true
nature of a person is impossible to spot. On the contrary, the most
accurate clues will come out when nothing special happens; in other
words, in situations when there is no need to impress anyone.
We simply cannot learn everything about
someone within the first five minutes of meeting them; however,
psychologists have identified certain aspects of behavior that say much
more than any speech and presentation ever could.
The importance of everyday behavior
In times when things are working out well
for you, just about any person can maintain a calm attitude and appear
reasonable and polite.
Character truly emerges in situations when there is no reward for a good behavior and no real punishment for acting badly.
For that reason, ordinary, everyday situations say a lot more about people than grand gestures.
A person may donate a lot of money to a
charity publicly, but in front of the very same audience they could
treat a waiter horribly. They might share some very profound quotes on
social media platforms while backstabbing their close acquaintances.
What is most important is not how the individual behaves when they know they are on display, but when nobody’s watching.
The first sign: How they treat people with no power
There is hardly a more telling sign
regarding somebody’s personality than how they behave toward people who
have nothing to give back, people unable to help them either advance in
their career, improve their social standing, or provide any benefit for
them.
Take the waiter at the restaurant, the
janitor at the workplace, the cashier at the supermarket, the secretary,
or that old neighbor down the road. Such people have no influence
whatsoever on the other person’s life.
A person showing kindness and respect
toward these people almost always demonstrates authentic empathy rather
than trying to create an image of kindness and courtesy. Multiple
studies confirm the link between empathy and prosocial behavior,
cooperation, and low aggression. People whose natural concern is how
others feel act kindly without fail and do not mind that no one is
watching them.
On the other hand, take note of any time they become abrupt and condescending toward those they see as lesser.
Do they immediately get impatient?
Do they stop using polite phrases such as “please” and “thank you”?
And do they speak down to them?
Many people reserve their most decent
mannerisms only for those people whom they need something from. This
alone is already an indication of the person’s true nature.
This seems to be instinctively grasped by
the older generations. Many of us grew up being taught that respect
isn’t something you owe people because of how rich, educated, and
well-connected they are. It is simply the basic minimum requirement when
it comes to treating others. When someone is overly attentive to people
with power but dismissive toward everyone else, it often suggests they
view relationships as transactions rather than genuine human
connections.
The second sign: How they react when things go wrong
The second massive clue reveals itself when life becomes frustrating or inconvenient.
It’s easy enough for anyone to appear
emotionally mature when everything is going smoothly. But how will they
react when things become absolutely miserable?
Being stuck on a delayed flight.
Waiting in a huge, crawling queue.
A messed-up order at a restaurant.
A project that bombs at work.
Unwanted criticism that comes from out of nowhere.
These little frustrations make a big
difference in whether someone will act immaturely by blaming others or
simply accept the situation and try to fix the problem.
Psychologists see emotional regulation as a
significant measure of psychological maturity. The ability to cope with
stress without resorting to aggression is a sign of self-awareness and
good coping skills. Studies have proven that empathy works as an innate
stress buffer, minimizing anger and conflict during stressful
situations.
In addition, Jung observed that stress and
pressure tend to bring out personality traits that remain hidden in
comfort zones. The mask falls off when the heat gets up.
This does not mean that good people don’t
ever get angry. All of us lose our temper at times, and everyone
occasionally gets frustrated and exhausted. However, it all depends on
what happens next.
Do they acknowledge their behavior?
Do they apologize for it?
Do they try to learn something from it?
Or do they stick to their guns and argue that it is always somebody else’s fault?
These basic habits will reveal much more than long years of polite small talks.
Other subtle behaviors that speak volumes
While these two main factors provide the
most insight into a person’s true character, there are several others
that are worth tracking. It may not take long before all these small
things add up and reveal who the person really is.
Humor can reveal more than you expect
It doesn’t usually occur to people that
humor can reveal a great deal about someone’s personality. Do they
appreciate the absurdities of everyday life, or do they only laugh when
someone else becomes the target of the joke? If there is always a streak
of cruelty hiding behind the phrase “it’s just a joke,” it may point to
deeper insecurities. On the other hand, people who laugh with others
rather than at them often demonstrate greater emotional maturity and
empathy.
Listen to how they talk about other people
Among the fastest means of cracking
someone’s code is through observing how they talk about people who are
not around. There definitely is someone in your midst that talks about a
workmate, friend, or family member in a consistently negative manner.
Gossip can sometimes be considered normal but continuous gossip speaks
volumes about one’s tendency towards negativity. When they do not
hesitate to put people down as soon as they leave the room, they will do
the same to you.
Watch what happens when they gain power
The exercise of authority tends to
exaggerate whatever a person is beneath the surface. There are some
individuals who become excessively supportive with just a bit of power,
while there are others who become controlling right from the get-go.
Scientific research has revealed that authoritarian leadership types are
associated with lower levels of empathy, while healthy and stable uses
of power make individuals consider diverse viewpoints.
The issue of social media
Life in the modern age makes interpreting
individuals difficult because social media is always filtered, staged,
and crafted to present nothing but success stories. This tells you more
about what they want you to see than what their reality actually is.
Real character is expressed in mundane day-to-day activities.